What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
