i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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