yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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