Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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