And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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