Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize