So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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