): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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