Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
