like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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