his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
