So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
