I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
