apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
