Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize