he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
