Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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