she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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