Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
