Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
and you fell through a lawn chair
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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