I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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