After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
