whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
