Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
