I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
