Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
