I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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