she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize