i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
