Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
