brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
