TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
