I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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