I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
