So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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