If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
