This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
