i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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