omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
