so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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