omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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