so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
