you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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