I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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