I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
