8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
