Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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