I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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