She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
