Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
