My ATM looks so different sober.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
me + whiskey = a bad person
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize