Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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