come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize