How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
