I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
