Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
