I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
