When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize