I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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