So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
