Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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