today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
