There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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