Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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