I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
