Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
