u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
