I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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