you would pick up someone in the library
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
