well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
