woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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