im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
