i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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