You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
