I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
