My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
