Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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