I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
