ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
