Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
