All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
