I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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