I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Randomize
