I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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