whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize