i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
