my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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