woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
