then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
