C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
