First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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