he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
