I could have mohawked her pubes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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