Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
