i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
