I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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