Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize