Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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